The Paradoxical Closet

Time

2011-08-01T21:40:00.002+08:00

Time wastes our bodies and our wits, but we waste time, so we are quits.
~Author Unknown

I don't know what made me revisit my old blog but it's pretty amazing how fast time has flew. It has been nearly 2 years since I'm here and it felt only like yesterday.

I have grown stronger mentally over the past 2 years, and I will strive and continue to do so. I've started to realize a growing presence of a higher being in my life :)

Bristol here I come :D!

Ages Since

2009-09-28T20:33:00.004+08:00

Wow, i can't believe its nearly a year since i last blogged.

Many things have happened since sadly; it's like there's too much to begin with.

My last post ended with my struggles with A Levels and thus this shall be the subject i shall begin with. Though inwardly i often confess that the results don't always matter more than results, i have to admit this time it really did. The results not only came as a shock to me; it extinguished my life dream & with it my hopes for this life. I had always wanted to become a lawyer in the public service, crusading against criminals and fighting for the right side of law: BUT all that turned into a shatter of dreams.

A year on, i still find myself devastated and i don't know why.

I find myself bewildered at the swift passage of time, and when i chanced at returning to view my old blog, i felt grateful for the entries i have made. For these tiny memoirs provided passages of time to which my recollections were kept. And when such imprints of time can be recollected at leisure, valuables lessons become earned.

2008-11-14T11:21:00.001+08:00

我出生在一個非常貧苦的家庭，記得小時候，爸爸的生活很無聊，整天只能數錢，媽媽也是，整天都在掃錢。

我家住在深山中，每次要出去買東西，都相當麻煩，開保時捷要 5 小時，開賓士也要4 小時；雖然家裡有直昇機，但是開到那邊很難找到停機位，相當的不方便。

我偶爾也會出去逛街，爸媽怕我被綁架，隨身有 20 多個保鑣保護著，大家看到我都嚇跑了，所以我從小就開始被排斥...... 因為家裡是在深山，每次到了冬天都非常冷，爸爸也說，出去買東西很麻煩，所以冬天沒有暖爐 ...沒有棉被 ...每天只能陪著爸媽燒錢取暖 ... 而睡覺的時候，也只能蓋著錢睡覺 (我覺得英鎊比較溫暖) 。

　記得小時候，有一次，因為房間太大，還來不及跑出房間，就尿褲子了。所以，爸爸在我房間放了一台小綿羊機車，好讓我能在 10分鐘以內，衝出 1000 坪的房間，穿越 5公里的走廊，到達 800 坪的廁所 (我常常在走廊迷路 ) 。

　爸爸又另外叫人加蓋了 20間 600坪裡面有著250 坪小廁所的破房間。爸爸說：以後如果尿濕了，直接換房間，如果房間不夠或是太小的話，再告訴爸爸，爸爸再叫人來多蓋幾間，我們的生活很辛苦，你要忍著點！！

現在想起來，爸爸真是個善良的人！！

　還記得有一次，家裡遭小偷，因為他用炸藥炸壞了我爸的保險箱，使得裡面的金幣不斷的往外滾出來，結果竟把那個小偷壓死了 .......我覺得那個小偷好可憐 ......
金幣壓死人是很痛的!! 他不像之前那個被鈔票悶死的小偷一樣幸運。

媽媽也常常告訴我，我們家生活非常困苦∼要我學著吃苦∼
　所以我從小養成了刻苦耐勞精神，我將來的志願，是要找 200 隻會吃錢的怪物，好把家裡的錢都吃光，為那些可憐的小偷報仇！！

嘉義市蘭潭國小六年一班黃淙暐

老師評語：去死啦！

2008-10-01T23:42:00.002+08:00

Life now is boring. You can vaguely see the finishing line, but like all races, the last laps are the most crucial. You need that burst of energy even after miles of your race ran; it determines your position on the podium. You start to feel weary, watching in vain as other runners start pacing quicker. Suddenly, the sprint to the finish has begin.

The last 30 days.

Poor

2008-09-25T22:26:00.002+08:00

Overconfidence or just pure noobness? Results so far have been so heartwrenching i doubt i will be able to sleep tonight. While everyone else have been getting As and Bs, i could only muster a couple of Ds. Its quite tragic given my level of expectations. First, i had expected to breeze past my econs with ease, i don't know yet what went wrong, but the results have been pretty ugly Ha. Perhaps it time for another overhaul.
Can i blame the exam shedule for this? 4 content papers in 36 hours.. Haiz perhaps its just me.

Concentration

2008-09-24T22:25:00.002+08:00

The art or practice of concentration,no matter if studying biology or playing pool,is to focus on the task at hand and eliminate distraction
We all have the ability to concentrate -- sometimes. Think of the times when you were "lost" in something you enjoy: a sport, playing music, a good game, a movie. Total concentration.
But at other times,
Your mind wanders from one thing to another
Your worries distract you
Outside distractions take you away before you know it
The material is boring, difficult, and/or not interesting to you.

What you can control in your studies:
"Here I study"
Get a dedicated space, chair, table, lighting and environmentAvoid your cellphone or telephonePut up a sign to avoid being disturbed or interruptedIf you like music in the background, OK, but don't let it be a distraction. (Research on productivity with music versus without music is inconclusive)
Stick to a routine, efficient study schedule
Accommodate your day/nighttime energy levels
Before you begin studying, take a few minutes to summarize a few objectives, gather what you will need, and think of a general strategy of accomplishment
Create an incentive if necessary for successfully completing a task,such as calling a friend, a food treat, a walk, etc.For special projects such as term papers, design projects, long book reviews, set up a special incentive
Changing the subject you study every one to two hours for variety
Vary your study activitiesAlternate reading with more active learning exercises.Ask yourself how you could increase your activity level while studying? Perhaps a group will be best? Creating study questions?Ask your teacher for alternative strategies for learning. The more active your learning, the better.
Take regular, scheduled breaks that fit youDo something different from what you've been doing (e.g., walk around if you've been sitting), and in a different area
Give yourself a reward when you've completed a task

When you notice your thoughts wandering astray, say to yourself
"Be here now"
and gently bring your attention back to where you want it.
For example:You're studying and your attention strays to all the other homework you have, to a date, to the fact that you're hungry. Say to yourself
"Be here now"
Focus back on subject with questions, summarizing, outlining, mapping, etc. and maintain your attention there as long as possible.
When it wanders again, repeat
"Be here now"
and gently bring your attention back, and continue this practise, repeatedly. It will work!

You might do this hundreds of times a week. Gradually, you'll find that the period of time between your straying thoughts gets a little longer every few days. So be patient and keep at it. You'll see some improvement!
Do not constantly judge your progress. Take it easy on yourself. Good practice is enough to say that you did it, and that you are on the road. The mind is always different and the practice unfolds over time with many ups and downs.
Worry or Think TimeResearch has proven that people who use a worry time find themselves worrying 35 percent less of the time within four weeks.
Set aside a specific time each day to think aboutthe things that keep entering your mind and interfering with your concentration.
When you become aware of a distracting thought,remind yourself that you have a special time to think about them,
Let the thought go,perhaps with "Be here now,"
Keep your appointmentto worry or think about those distracting issues
For example, set 4:30 to 5 p.m. as your worry/think time. When your mind is side-tracked into worrying during the day, remind yourself that you have a special time for worrying. Then, let the thought go for the present, and return your focus to your immediate activity.
Tallying your mental wanderings.
Maximize your energy level
When is your energy level at its highest? When are your low energy times?Study your most difficult courses at your high energy times. Sharpest early in the evening? Study your most difficult course then. Later in the evening? Work on your easier courses or the ones you enjoy the most.
Most students put off the tough studies until later in the evening when they become tired, and it is more difficult to concentrate. Reverse that. Study hard subjects at peak energy times; easier ones later. This alone can help to improve your concentration
Visualize
As an exercise before you begin studying, think of those times when concentration is not a problem for you--no matter what situation. Now try to feel or image yourself in that situation. Recapture that experience immediately before your studies by placing yourself in that moment.. Repeat before each study session.

Crisis

2008-09-17T22:10:00.002+08:00

Woah it seems the recession in the US is hitting worse, and has been branded the worse economic disaster since the " Great Depression" of the 1930s. Today AIG seems to be in trouble too just like the rest of the finiancial market; it's such a big player in insuring risk for institutions around the world that its failure could shake the global fiancial market. This certainly spells great trouble for Singapore..
This aside, my prelims seem to be in trouble too. I just hope my other subjects do well, they have not failed me so far. i don't know whether to rejoice with the results of my Chemistry and Math because i indeed did much better than my previous attempts, but looking at the sum of people getting distinctions, self-doubt crepts in once again.
Perhaps i am not meant for my dream, but i will make sure i put up a fight for it.
Ah, i surely won't miss the champion league game tonight. Hope Berbatov scores his first goal for Man Utd.

Rebirth 7am sept 18 2008!

Atone

2008-09-15T20:54:00.002+08:00

Perhaps its the resigned mentality or just a lack of faith, the desire to work hard for chemistry jsut ebbs away. I am glad my friends did well, all the best for them. But i think its time to ask myself, why to others suceed why i still fail? Even friends who have failed have all done resoundingly well this time. I know i have no excuse, but i cannot find the reason why. It is very strange i still struggle now. Perhaps i am not putting enough. But on hindsight, i have spent nearly every available time on Chemistry. Isnt it not worthwhile? Afterall other subjects are giving me good replies, just Chemistry..

Every major examinations, i have gotten a U, Yes every single one for Chemistry. This is indeed alarming, but seemingly i have taken it to the norm that i am always excusing myself. Time to gear up one more notch man. I know this time i could break the duck, but i shold have done better. Hope i get a D. God Bless!

Irony

2008-09-08T23:00:00.003+08:00

The more time we have, the less time we have. Understand? Ha, i think its true for me. There was this whole week of Sept Holidays to study for a single paper of Chemistry, and with only a day left to go could i muster sufficent will to pick up where i left off not too long ago. Perhaps, its a bad idea to segregate the Prelims timetable before and after the one week break, but utimately we have only ourselves to blame.
The problem is with so little time left before A levels, i could have no qualms at all dotaing for 10 hours straight into the the wee hours of the morning. What's worse was that i continued this rampant behaviour til day-break, by either watching soccer or episodes and episodes of Prison Break and Lost. Maybe i should change, maybe just one more week =) to shrug off these bad habits, maybe.
Perhaps i should just gear up for one last shot at this last paper on Wed tomorrow morning.

Darn

2008-09-06T16:12:00.006+08:00

Through the pressure of conformity, there is freedom of choice but nothing to choose from. In order to become a better man with a kinder soul, i have lost my identity, character and still tainted with the deeds of the past. I know i can never forgive myself, but was losing true self the way to go? With it, i lost my vibrancy, my confidence,my will and strength. I have become increasingly dependent on others' opinion to judge and decide. I am a pale shadow of what i used to be, so subservient to others' calling and remarks. Where has my self-belief gone?
Just an empty shell waiting for the passing of time, waiting for my time to come. Where has the joy in life gone to? Why is there no more purpose i seek? Why is there no more social behaviour?
Ironic it is, though the world has swelled to a population of 6 billion, people are rapidly finding themselves to become more and more isolated. In seeking advancement, humanity has degenerated. Why have people become so compelled to complement the percieved social norm?

Do what you feel in your heart to be right - for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't.

Find myself i will.

Food

2008-09-03T20:34:00.007+08:00

What we choose to consume has little to do with conscious decisions - not only do more options make us eat more but even semblance of variety - more colours of snacks eg M&Ms up our intake! Haha, believing that its meals are healthy, diners at Subway underestimate the calories and compensate later with more snacks than McDonald's eaters do.
A bigger spoon will cause you to serve almost 15% more & a big plate 25% more!
That is how powerless we are at controlling our intake and at creating a healthier eating environment. Probably these are some viable ways that may help: Use small plates, keep junk food in inconvenient places, avoid eating directly from a package! & READ THIS BOOK ~~ Wansink's Mindless Eating!
I'm pretty sorry too for posting so much about Man Utd, but it's really a thrill to follow the news of your favoourite club. So forgive me!

Devil

2008-09-02T19:02:00.010+08:00

Incredulous~~ Berbatov has finally Turned A Red Devil! Fanstastic news by all accounts, I'm sure every die heart fan is celebrating with glee.
Dimitar Berbatov is a classy and complete centre-forward, pairing the ability to ruthlessly and regularly find the net inside the box with the aptitude to create moments of sheer magic outside it.Sir Alex likes players with plenty of charisma in the way they play, and the Bulgarian’s languid style is instantly recognisable on the field. It’s also an approach that has drawn comparisons with former United talisman Eric Cantona. Like the captivating Frenchman, Berbatov loves to entertain with the ball at his feet. United fans are in for a real treat with the Bulgarian in a United shirt in attack alongside Wayne Rooney, Carlos
Tevez, Cristiano Ronaldo et al.
Manchester City sealed the British record transfer of Robinho from Real Madrid late last night with manager Mark Hughes describing the amazing signing as 'a huge statement of intent'. The Blues managed to steal the limelight from rivals Manchester United's successful pursuit of Dimitar Berbatov, after the club moved close to a takeover by the Abu Dhabi United Group for Development and Investment~What a day, perhaps sweeter because Robinho din't ended up at Chelski ha. For all their antics, they din't get thier man ha. Perhaps what goes around comes around!

Day 2 of Sept Holidays, and i still cannot get down to mugging. If this carries on, my chemistry paper next week is a goner. COME ON!

Deeds

2008-09-01T21:48:00.003+08:00

Our deeds determine us, as much as we determine our deeds. Perhaps this is true, because the game of life is the game of boomerangs. Our thoughts, deeds and words return to us sooner or later, with astounding accuracy. I figured i should'nt do things on the basis of the cost-benefit analysis, i must treat every request whole-heartedly and with sincerity. I have grown to become unwilling and reluctant to do good causes. I must not be so self-centered anymore. I must, I must.

Ah, and by the way, I really do hope Manchester United do eventually sign Berbatov: He's such an brillant player with high technical ability and fluid off the ball movement - Complementing The Red Devils fast attacking counter attacks!
I hope Berbatov's D-Day ends well ( For Us that is!) Latest News: Juande Ramos has given up hope of Dimitar Berbatov staying at White Hart Lane. The Bulgarian striker was left out of Spurs’ squad for yesterday’s 1-1 draw at Chelsea. And Ramos all but admitted he expected Berba to become a Manchester United player before the transfer deadline expires at midnight tonight. He said: “I don’t know where Berbatov is and he’s not in the right state of mind to play. Once the transfer window closes we will have more options with Roman Pavlyuchenko and any others who may arrive at the last minute."

Debut

2008-09-01T03:19:00.003+08:00

The ratinale behind The Paradoxial Closet.

Essentially, a paradox is a statement or proposition that seems self-contradictory or absurd but in reality expresses a possible truth. So here's a disclaimer: If any content here seems nonsensical to you, feel free to ignore them!

I love to go against the norm: that is to give opinions or statements contrary to commonly accepted opinion. Debunking conventional wisdom is a personal favourite! I won't probably make sense to you most of the time. so i may come across as a self-contradictory and false proposition haha. Paradox itself as a word is so unique, and so widely misunderstood. A point to note, conventional wisdom works here again that it is a synomyn for IRONY!